I woke up late today. I’m tired, I’m listless, and I’m unmotivated. Well, not entirely unmotivated, but I’m sitting here staring at Twitter, thinking, “What do I want to do today?” And mostly coming up empty handed.
This occasionally happens to my friends and I. We want to do something, but we can’t settle on what. It’s this strange, disinterest that negates anything we might usually want to do, but doesn’t get rid of the desire to do something.
I have that.
Yesterday I decided against writing the Autumn Reads and Autumn Roasts posts. I just wasn’t as interested in them as I wanted to be, so I trashed the posts I started. No one deserves to read me half-assing blog posts, just as no one deserves to read me half-assing a novel. I’d rather put my best out there.
I’ve actually been tossing a bunch of posts lately. There was an emotional one about my mom and how amazing she is, but that was a little therapeutic to write and there was no reason to post it after I felt better.
I also deleted one about the #MeToo tag that’s going around Twitter and how I’ve come to realize my MC Catori mirrors my trauma in a lot of ways. She’s become a little bit of an outlet for me to vocalize the trauma I rarely speak about. But I decided against that one, too. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s just not something I want to focus on much. When the time comes, when these novels get out there, I’ll address it then if I feel it’s necessary.
I’ve had some success offering my own services (both graphics & illustration) in exchange for editing. My mom insists on vetting the people who have expressed interest because she says there’s a lot of plagiarism out there from people posing as editors, who then steal stories and change minor details and slap them up on Amazon for self-pub. I have no idea how prevalent that is. But any well-established editor is probably not going to want my services. They can afford to purchase those things on their own, they don’t need to exchange services.
Anyway, we’re at this point where Fabian and I are excited and motivated to work on our novels, but neither of us can afford to pay an editor anything. I have $10 in my wallet and $3 on my debit card. I got excited, I thought I had $3 in my wallet only to discover more!! And through my excitement I realized how pathetic that sounds.
I haven’t written off any of the people who reached out to help, I’m seriously grateful for it and I know a few of them struggle the same as I do. So if you’re one of them, I’ve still got you on my radar. <3
We have a plan. I am determined to make this work. We will make this work. But I may need to try expanding how. I’m toying with the idea of offering website graphics, Twitter graphics, etc. as well as character illustrations again. I haven’t done it for a while, not since deciding I wanted to focus on writing. All my recent pieces have been for novel characters, for me and Fabian.
Here, have a sample.
You might recognize this pretty lady from my old Twitter banner. Maybe. She’s actually not in any of the manuscripts we’re currently working on, she’s much further down the line. But yas, there she is. c:
Here’s the old banner she was on, too:
This post just turned into weird self promo for stuff I never really thought I’d offer again, but hey! Such is my rambling mind. I’ll redirect my motivations a little bit in the hopes it will, in the long run, help us out with our ultimate goal: publishing our novels. So, the things like the Autumn Roasts post, while fun and a great excuse to buy tons of coffee, probably not something I should pour effort into. Hence, deleted.
My new goal: If I’m on the fence about it, if I can’t put myself behind it 100%, I’m not doing it. And, y’know, that’s a little freeing.
For now… I’ve started on that Spicer Autumn mini story, but I think I might turn it into a Holiday Spicer story up to the New Year. Expand it a little bit, give everyone a taste of more characters, perhaps. I haven’t entirely decided, but it’s doable.
Also. YA Scifi is still a go for NaNoWriMo!
Have a spoopy day, lovelies!